A secret i can't hide!

When i was 16 i was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome) i remember the day the doctor called my mom to tell her i had it. I was sitting in our living room with my boyfriend at the time watching a movie. Whenever my mom got off the phone i can remember her telling me what the doctor said and the first thing that popped into my head was,"I wont ever be a mom." at 16 do you know what that feels like? I've spent many days crying over it and somedays im more depressed than others. The day i met Jacob(my husband) i told him that i might not be able to have kids, i never would trap someone into thinking that i could when i knew there was a chance that i can never had kids. I thank God that when i told Jacob he didn't run the other way. We have been together almost 3 years now and we've been trying for 1 year and half. No luck! but i know that if its mean't to be one day i will be a mom whether it is from having a child myself, or being given one. Either way being a mom is one thing i have always wanted. When every girl is little that is all they can think about, getting married and having the perfect life and raising the best children ever. 

I dont know if it is just me but somedays i wake up and i feel like running away. 

If Jacob can never be a dad because of me, do you know how bad i would feel. About 3 months ago i told Jacob that if we didn't have kids by the time we were married for 5 years i would leave him and let him marry someone else and have children! Some people might think that is weird. But i am not a selfish person, i used to but not when it comes to something like this. He deserves to be happy and deserves to have children and the family he wants. No one is just going to hand us a baby and say i hope they grow up and love you. It cost anywhere from $10,000-$50,000 to adopt a baby. It is over $2,000 if you do IVF.. Which is CRAZY! Can you imagine having that much money and just giving it away on a hope that you might get pregnant and you might not. over 45% of IVF's don't work. Having PCOS is scary, i do think that half of my depression comes from having PCOS. I meet people all the time who have PCOS as well but they're not as big as me or as depressed as me. I know a few who are just straight ass holes and bitches to any and everyone. I can't be like that! If i see a pregnant woman do i secretly want to cry? Yes i do. But i am happy for them. 

God gives babies to people everyday! Do some people deserve them more than others? No but God gives you a baby when it is your time to have that baby! All i can do is have hope and share my story with others. Funny thing is my mom & grandmother have PCOS as well but they were fertile mertile! My little sister Conner is going to have it 100 times easier because when we found out i had it we were able to help hers not be as bad as mine. I am thankful that she will hopefully never have to worry about this and she will give me LOTS of nieces and nephews that i can spoil. 

I just needed to get this off my chest.

PCOS sucks! But i wont let it win....

xoxo

God Bless 

Becca

                        

The new Mrs. Durrett

I have had a VERY heavy heart lately. God is slowly taking care of it though (:

Writing has always been something i have been great at.

I never thought i would be able to talk about myself, marriage, photography,

or anything else like i have lately.

I love photography more than anything in the world.

I used to let my life revolve around photography but i dont want my life to 

be all about that because when it is i loose the love 

i have for my photography.

Photography is a huge passion of mine, but so are a few other 

things and i finally think God has shown me 

what i am suppose to do with my life and how to go about this change i need to 

happen. 

Over a period of 8 months i was VERY lost.

It has taken a lot of prayer, work, dedication, and time to see what my path is.

I have been able to win back my husband (which was tough)

& i love him more than anything in this world.

but over the 8 months i was away from him, the devil put a lot of temptations in my way.

Drugs, alcohol, etc..

That is NOT the life i want to live, i want to live a life full of joy, happiness,

and i want to live that life with Jacob.

So i propose a solution to everything

i am going to continue to fix myself so that when and if i am ready to jump back into 

my photography i can be ready and show the world what an amazing

person, Godly woman, wife, and photographer i am.

I have hurt a lot of people in the past few years, but i can honestly say with 

no regret that i am sorry. I never meant to start a war.

I never meant to hurt anyone.

But one day soon everyone is going to see such an amazing difference 

that you are going to want to join in.

I write these post more for myself. But i want to show people the progress i make.

Because without God i would not be here today and i would 

not be able to inspire others do what God has planned for all of us.

I am a God fearing loving woman.

Just took me one to many months to figure it all out. 

Living a positive life with positive outcomes

If you are single and waiting for a mate, do not speak negative words and say, "I will never get married or meet anyone, or i am geting old." If you are trying to have a child and can't get pregnant, speak positive words and believe God for it to happen because nothing is impossible with God.

Marriage is NOT an agreement, it is a commitment. When you were married, you made promises to God and to your spouse (for bettet, for worse, in sickness, and in health, for richer, for poorer, till death due us part..)

Living a negative life is about all i have ever known. I have been very negative half of my life. But through a friend at work, i realized i cant be negative. Jacob and i have been trying for a baby for almost 2 years when we separated. We never got pregnant! But i believe its because i was NEGATIVE. I would always say," I'm never gonna be a mom, we're never gonna get pregnant!" But you can not be negative when it comes to your God. I continue to pray EVERYDAY that God will bless Jacob and I with a baby, when he does we will be over the moon excited. Till then we are gonna continue to work on our relationship and continue to get stronger!! (: 

So be positive and have faith that God will do you no wrong. Love God because he loves you through all things.

xoxo Becca 

God ALWAYS gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers

God ALWAYS gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers

Have you ever had one of those really bad days where nothing goes right? I have those all the time, I hate when it happens because I always feel like the devil is beating me up that whole day. Today however was one of those really good days. I found a penny on heads; we got the money to get the things we needed done, done. Moving back to Louisiana is something I wanted but at the same time makes me miss North Carolina more. We got the truck all fixed so we can drive wherever we need to now. Whenever Jacob and I got first married we had NO idea about money, how to handle it correctly, how to pay bills like your suppose to. Our parents had always done it for us. If I could back to being 17 and know exactly what I know now, I would have done SO many things differently. Like what, you might ask? I would have paid my car payment, put gas in the car and then saved the rest. I wouldn’t have gone out to the bar a lot like I did. Yet again the bar I used to go to in North Carolina, is where I first saw Jacob. He swears I am stalker, but I’m not!!

Want to know how Jacob and I met? It is really funny because I would always ask my best friend at that time Sabrina if she knew who he was whenever we were at the bar, she didn’t. I always saw him with other girls thinking they were his girlfriends but I was wrong again. After a break up with a ex I made a P.O.F (Plenty of fish) yes I had one of those lol. I ran across his profile (he had one to lol) so I sent him a message and then it went from there. Our first date went just like this; we had talked all day via text messages. After he got off work at 4pm he sent me, “Want to hangout this afternoon and meet?” I of course said yes I wasn’t scared of meeting Jacob; I was scared he wouldn’t like me though. I used to be very insecure. We met at the fire dept. where he volunteered. We talked for a few outside of our cars when he said he was starving and wanted to go get food. We jump into his truck and head to Sonic. He of course was NOT shy I however was. I got an ice cream (which I didn’t even eat) we sit there talking while he eats, then head back to the fire dept. When we get there he looks over at me and says,” I have a meeting till about 7pm, but I can call or text you after and we can hangout.” I said of course, got into my car and went to go see a friend. I never thought in a million years he was going to text me when he got done but he did. We sat there till almost midnight talking, I had school the next day he had work. But we hung out the next day after I got off. On Wednesday April 6^th, he said come out to Tarheel I’m here with some friends I want you to meet them. I got off work and went out there in my uniform and everything. That’s the night I honestly fell in love with Jacob, others might not believe in the whole love at first sight thing. But I firmly believe in it!! Dancing to Eli Young Bands Crazy Girl, Jacob looked down at me (he is so much taller than me) and asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes of course! The rest is history; On September 17^th, 2011 we got married!

I believe that all the things that happened between Jacob and I, was meant to be!! God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers you might not believe that you are that strong but you are. God made you that strong. God loves you; he loves you NO matter what you do. Are you covered with tattoos? Pierced? Well guess what I am to, and God loves me everyday. Are you a sinner? Me too. We all sin, just in different ways. But you know what, through God all things are possible. He doesn’t care if you are a sinner; He loves you. He doesn’t care if you are pierced and tatted up; He loves you. Whenever someone says something about my tattoos I am kind of a smart butt about it. I say, the bible says treat your body like a temple, but do you know a temple that doesn’t have markings? Mine tell a story, they show people who Becca is. If you don’t like them then I apologize but I am not going to change for you.

If you are going through a battle, look to God. If you need someone to talk to, get on your knees and pray. If you need a friend, wrap your arms around Gods word and find your solution. It is never going to be easy to get through battles, it is going to be hard because the devil is like a leach he bites down into you and sucks the life and love out of you and your life. Don’t let his parasites ruin your life, marriage, family, or job. That’s what he wants!!

I really hope that if you needed this, and are going through something that this not only helped you but also shows you that you are not alone.

Rebecca Durrett 

What every man wants in a woman! What every woman wants in a man!

What every man wants in a woman!

What every woman wants in a man!

Have you ever wished you could read a mans mind?

Men have you ever wished you could read a woman’s mind?

I know everyday I wish I could read my husbands mind, which would make my life 100% better. Sometimes when ever you are dating your boyfriend or girlfriend you wish you could read his/her mind. My topic of this post is inspired because of a book that was given to me by my mother. It is by John & Diana Hagee they are a married Christian couple that are also pastors. They are very amazing and inspiring. I read this book every now and then whenever it was given to me. One of my favorite quotes from this book that I have highlighted is;

“Marriage is more than a honeymoon; it’s a lifetime contract. Through sickness and health, for richer and for poorer, marriage requires devotion and a mature ability to commit when it’s the last thing you want to do. Marriage is the act of two incompatible people learning to become compatible via compassionate compromise.”

This is very true, but this book being wrote for both women and men I recommend it to any and everyone because it is such an amazing book. It does give a mans insight to how they think, things they want in a relationship, and what they expect women to know about them but we don’t. It is funny because women are the same way and men don’t understand we are built the same yet we are more emotional and we grow closer to things and people more than a man does.

For example, I had a dog Noni who I was very close to. I had her for a long time, whenever she went into her first “season” I cried like a baby, because she was growing up and I didn’t want her to. At that time I put it on Facebook that I cried and I got comments from girls that is was going to be okay, yet when my guy friends said something about it, they were rude and told me to grow up. Do you see the difference? You might want to read your husbands mind or you might want to read your wives mind. Then again I really wouldn’t want to read a mans mind sometime because they think about the stupidest things. But whenever you are fighting I would love to know what he is going to say to stop the fight before it got to bad and we get into a worse fight!

If you want to just brush up on some relationship advice I recommend you go get this book read both sides then pass it on to your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, daughter, or any other family member or friend.

Rebecca Durrett

What is your purpose in life?

What is your purpose in life?

Do you know what your purpose in life is? What on earth am I here for? Have you ever read, ”The purpose driven life.” By Rick Warren? I have, it is another book that was given to me by my mother. I have been given two books like this, I got one when I graduated high school and become an “adult” finally and also when I was going through those problems with my hubby. They are great books to read, not just to help you but also because they are a great read.

The purpose driven life will help you understand why you are alive and reveal God’s amazing plan for you; both here and now, and for eternity. Rick Warren will guide you through a personal 40 day spiritual journey that will transform your answer to life’s most important question: What on earth am I here for? Knowing God’s purpose for creating you will reduce your stress, focus your energy, simplify your decisions, give meaning to your life, and most important, prepare you for eternity. While it is wise to learn from experience, it is wiser to learn from the experiences of others.

Are you saved? I know that I am. But I want you to ask yourself 4 questions.

1.     What was your life before you met Jesus and brought him into your life?

2.     How did you realize you needed Jesus?

3.     How are you committing your life to Jesus?

4.     What difference has Jesus made in your life?

Your life message includes your life decisions. If you make really bad decisions and don’t learn from them, then what was the point? What was the purpose? I might not make a valid point to some of you, but to someone this is going to make a difference. Did you know that many people who say they have read the Bible from cover to cover actually have not? Through my life I have rededicated my life a lot, I have strayed away from God and did nothing that I was suppose to but does that make me a bad person? No it makes me a sinner who gets forgiven by God. I truly hope this helps someone and puts a smile on someone’s face.

Rebecca Durrett

            

Love always protects

Love always protects

1 Corinthians 13:7

When you get married you believe that love is a Fairytale but its not. It is more like a full time job with out the pay or the perks of promotion. I didn’t know a lot of things before I got married. It took a lot of learning, not only learning from my own mistakes but also learning from God and learning the good and the bad things in a marriage. I recently finished reading, ”Things I wish id known before we got married.” by Gary Chapman. If you have not read this book you should, it doesn’t matter if you are married, single, engaged, lesbians, bi, gay or anything else. This book is amazing and shows you so many things you should know before you get married or even after you get married. Gary Chapman is a VERY well known marriage counselor who sits down with millions of couples a year. He is also the writer of the 5 love languages which is another amazing book that any married couple should read to learn more about your spouse.

When Jacob and I got married we didn’t know what either one of our love languages was, after almost 2 years of marriage I finally know what my love language is. Quality time it is giving the other person your undivided attention. I prefer being home with my husband watching a movie and spending time talking with Jacob about our days and about how strong we have become since we have got back together and become a stronger power couple. Jacob’s love language is Acts of service for those who have this love language action speaks 10 times louder than words do.

Are you having problems in your marriage? Do you feel like your spouse doesn’t understand you? Well you are not alone. There used to be days when I would feel different and weird and I just knew that Jacob didn’t understand me and couldn’t understand. But you want to know why? Because I didn’t love myself that is one thing you HAVE to do. You have to love yourself for someone else to be able to love you. God loves us unconditionally no matter what. One of my absolute favorite Christian movies is Fireproof, not only because I read the book but also because it helped millions of couples all over the United States. Fireproof shows you what God can do. If you have not seen it I recommend you to go to the Redbox or even Netflix and watch it.  With the book and movie, it produced the love dare. You have the love dare for 40 days and also the one for a whole year that helps you day by day fall in love with your husband or wife all over again. In the book, the husband played by Kirk Cameron ask his dad while on a walk talking about his problems with his wife how can you constantly show love to someone who doesn’t love you back? Then he realizes God is the same way. God loves us through everything yet most of the United States does NOT pray or show God the love back that he shows us.

Unfortunately your relationship has enemies, you have demons that will try REALLY hard to break you and your spouse down. This is just the devil trying to get to you and ruin your relationship. Don’t let the devil win! Any couple has trials and tribulations it is up to you and your spouse to turn to God and work through those problems. Is it really easy to turn and walk away from your problems? Yes but you owe it to yourself to stay and fight. I hate talking about my own personal problems but sometimes you cant help but try to relate to others. Jacob and I have been through a lot, in November I did move home to North Carolina and leave Jacob because I was running from my problems and I let the devil come in and ruin my marriage. I shouldn’t have been so naive but I was. However after 8 months away from each other and it finally getting through to me that I was not over my husband and I wanted to be with him, I started trying to get his attention and show him that I still love him. He fought me really hard, but do you blame him I left him and I hurt him. But finally after chit chatting with a friend at my job in NC he gave me a GREAT piece of advice that I took and sent Jacob a really long text message telling him exactly how I felt, it took a few days for him to talk to me after that but when we talked we agreed to try to work things out and it all started with a week vacation to Louisiana to see him. After this visit we saw that we both love each other more than words can express. It took us being around each other and talking about everything to finally work everything out. I couldn’t be happier than I am right now but that is just me.

It is a job, but you have to remember why you fell in love with each other. Did you fall in love with his smile, her laugh, the way he hugs you, or even the way she smiles at you and says she loves you. You can NEVER forget why you fell in love because that makes everything worse. The devil will play on that, he sends temptation into your life. The devil hates to see ANYONE happy. He might send a home wrecker to tempt your husband away from you; he might make you work 60 hours a week so that you can never see your spouse. Just remember to keep God at the center of your marriage and fight through ALL your trials and tribulations TOGETHER and you will be a lot better off. God is your best friend, and then it should be your husband/wife. Your spouse should be your best friend NO matter what.

This might have been something that speaks to you and is something you have needed to hear from someone that knows NOTHING about your relationship. But know that God is always there and will always lend a hand and is only a prayer away.

God bless and I really hope this helps you.

Xoxo

Rebecca Durrett